Healing Time

It was a conversation with my friend Duncan over coffee when he told me about his theory called "healing time."

It's no revelation. It's a theory based on common sense. Yet, it deserves serious thought.

His theory came out when he crawled in to bed one night with his partner of 15 + years (they've been together since their early 20's) and cooed, "Aaah, healing time." Rod, under the covers, asked, "what'd you say?"

"Healing time" Duncan repeated, and went on to explain his theory.

Which is this; like most people, we all work hard and life can be stressful - so Duncan sees his time in bed, close to, arms wrapped around, or simply touching one another, as a restorative time. A time of healing. A less cringe worthy word may be - reboot. But that eliminates any sense of romance, doesn't it?

I thought the timing of what he was telling me, rather apt - it coincides with a popular New York Times' piece that came out in the Science Section in late February. Worth the read, click TOUCH) Whether in relationship and experiencing daily intimate connection, or out in the greater world with neighbors, colleagues and friends - touch rewards. The study found that "couples who touch more are reporting more satisfaction in the relationship."

All this talk reminded me of a terrific scene in Tom Ford's film 'A Single Man,' based on Christopher Isherwood's novel. I can't think of anything like it in all in gay cinema. It couldn't be more ordinary - two men, sitting with legs stretched out facing each other in a bay type nook. Both are reading while they listen to something bluesy on the stereo. George teases Jim about reading Breakfast At Tiffany's. They talk about a family visit. Jim tells a story about an incident with their dog and the neighbor girl. Love is declared. A kiss is given. This brief, ordinary snapshot becomes extraordinary - simply because we don't often get to see ourselves portrayed this way.

This is what occurs in a home. This is what occurs in the ordinary life of two human beings. "Healing time" is vital to our very existence. It's one of the ways we are able to survive and face the day.

I was in the east village recently and just ahead of me a guy flopped his arm over the shoulder of his boyfriend and gave him a squeeze, a smile - and off they shot up the sidewalk. Eureka!

Photo by Cain Semrad